Tag Archives: Reflections

The Blogging Bug


I sort of stepped out of blogging when I felt I could no more take the pressure of preforming for an audience . You know , I was not sure if I am in the correct path in parenting . And I was not sure if I will rise up to the standards expected from a veteran blogger .

I have been thinking about it for a while . I think I am ready to take the next leap. I thought a lot about a new blog . Like a next season for Krishnaleela. But couldn’t find anything better than this . Even now I feel I belong here. And as I have endorsed many times before it just feels great to be acknowledged as a blogger .

Many things changed over the year . We shifted to an apartment .

The last year was more or less about settling in . Which also means now I have to go to office instead of working lazily and blogging away from my office cum residence . It also means now I have no view of any plants or birds or butterflies hovering in my garden . Other than that life in a flat is ok.

I also disowned many things including my pet dog , aquarium  and my favourite pots of plants. So, for now other than the kids and the husband and a mobile which needs to be charged now and then I do not have anything that needs to be taken care of regularly . From being the hoarder I have been now I have changed into a purger who do not keep anything she do not need. Definitely nothing that needs my time and care . I learned to say ‘ No’ to anything  I do not want to do or keep. Though people frown upon me ( being the nut case I am ) this has opened up a whole lot of venues where I can actually do things I want and have left me with a feeling of lightheartedness. Nothing -to- fret over- whatsoever-like- feeling .

Kids now engage themselves . Pearl is always busy scribbling and playing with her dolls . It amazes me how easily she makes bubble solution . Even though it makes the floor a bit messy and the hand- wash vanishes in no time I am tempted to ask her the secret formula . I could never do it as a child or adult .

Ruby now study by himself with my guidance . Anyway we are about to put it in test with the exams just round the corner .

Now he pores over Percy Jackson series and Wimpy kid . Pearl is catching up fast with Germione Stilton and Amar chitra Katha. Pearl has become a huge fan of Doremon and Ruby’s new craze is ‘Slug Terra ‘ .

And a long vacation to look forward to.

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The 20 books challenge !!

Today I saw this challenge on Pal’s blog. I found it very interesting and is going for it right now. To complete 20 books in a year ! The challenge was for 2009 , But I am simply making it 2010.

From April to April . Following The Indian Calender .

Here it goes :-

April

1. The Hobbit- Tolkeyn

2. The traveller- John Twelve Hawks

3. Are you afraid of the dark – Sidney Sheldon’s last novel

4. Nora Roberts – Daring to dream ( first of the dream series )

Now reading Jumpa Lahiri….. and have got one of Tolkeyns as well. Yumyum…….. !!!!!!

Reading is something I enjoy beyond myself. An obsessive reader . Before I get my hands on a book I make sure that I have enough time to finish it. Otherwise everything will be a mess. If I have started seriously with a book then nothing else matters much!I would love to be left alone for one reason or other.

Like every child I started with child magazines , Balarama , Poombatta. I have said this earlier . My mother used to send us to our neighbor’s house on Saturdays or we had to go there to sleep over while the old lady’s son went for night shift. There they had a huge collection of old story books. Balarama , poombatta, amarchithrakatha , Balamangalam…. every thing .

….And that was a treasure . ( Even now I tell my kids stories I have read then.) That old lady was more strict than any librarian. We were allowed to read the books sitting in the dark store room where they were kept. With so much pleading we could take one book at a time to our house. One day she told us she just sold them to scrap . One of the loses I have not yet gotten over. If I had the money then I would have bought it all .

From there me and my sister moved on to reading The Great Indian Epics . Ramayana, Mahabharatha, Aithihyamala, Sree Krishna Katha , Sree Mahabhagavatham …. It was a competition for us. Who will finish the book first. And then second round… Gone are the days !!!!

Then to Reader’s digest from my Aunt’s house. She taught me how important it is to keep a book neat and mended and how important it is to give a book back to its owner however unimportant it may seem to you.

From there starts my love for books. A book with torn pages or back cover is like a sin to me. I am happy that my kids do not tolerate even a folded page or graffiti in their books. And always keep them neatly covered and mended.

I like classics and thrillers the most. Books that explain life styles, history, geographical details etc. ……….Other than that any interesting book will do.

While reading books I get so much carried away,that I feel the characters are real. Most of them I see in my dreams.

One of the books I have read and reread so many times is “ Crime and Punishment ” . I have seen ‘Raskolnikov’ in my dreams almost every day that sometimes I forget I haven’t met him in person. In my dreams he had the most beautiful hair and eyes.

In college it was ‘Mills n Boons‘ season . Even the name brings to my mind the back ground of Anatomy classes and the packed hall with students in front row eager to take down lecture notes. But soon realised it is not of my kind. ( I am romantic by myself. Thank you very much ! 😉 )

Then to Daniel Steele . I feel sorry for our Professor who had taken great effort to prepare notes and all for abdominal surgery classes . All through it I was with ‘ The  Star ‘ . ( oh! It reminds me so much of my best friend and the beautiful moments we had together . ) There is nothing like reading and dreaming in an afternoon class 😎 . Some times I want to go to college again so I can just sit there and dream during lectures. ( Hey, I had the most updated lecture notes! It seems I can multitask ! )  ) ‘The ring‘ and ‘Message from Nam‘ are also my favourites of Danielle Steel.

Then one day I stumbled on ‘Gone with the wind’ by Margret Michelle , which changed my view of life . From every book I read I absorb at least one line into my life. This book taught me to fight for my life. To change all the negatives to positives . And ofcourse , the famous line  ‘I will think about it Tomorrow ‘. It is one of my habit to follow all the books of the author if I like their first read . Because of this my list of authors is very short.  I really feel sorry that Margret Michelle has written only one book .

One of my other favourite is Anna Karenina of Leo Tolstoy.

God father by Maria Puzo

Jeffrey Archer, Sidney Sheldon, Robin Cook , Jane Austene, Paulo Coelho, Charles Dickens , Dan Brown, of course Harry Potter Series …… Chetan Bhagat….

Something I enjoy very much is eating and reading. Sometimes while eating I crave for books , like it is some other dish. If I can’t find a book, I end up reading cartons, ingredients, my shopping list or anything with alphabets on it.

So coming back to the challenge ,  its my fifth book now.

5. Reading Unaccustomed earth – Jumpa Lahiri .

Sweet Sweet Vacation

This is one of the songs that reminds me so much of vacations at our mother’s place.

Last year this time I was longing for mangoes  ! This year with the drought I haven’t seen any mangoes and I think this vacation will pass on with out any of them . And I can think only of beaches !!!!!!!

Ruby’s classes will be over today and Pearl’s tomorrow. And we are going to have a vacation welcoming party.

Yesterday night , I asked them both what they would want to do for the vacation. And they have given me a big big list.

When I see both of them playing and running around , I can also see myself as a kid running along with them. Now their favorite is hide and seek.

Ruby is slowly getting into cricket and foot ball. And Pearl is catching up fast . They are busy setting up rules of the game and sort . Discussing in detail about the programs and ads they see.

With all this I can feel that the toddler in the house is also growing out of it. And life is going to get serious.

I just found some old photos from my vacation days .

How I got these photos , I don’t know. But I am such a  hoarder of old odds and ends , some times even I find it weird 😀

We were a great group. Always planning new games . On move from 7 in the morning to 12 in the night. And this was our base. Our neighbour’s house . There were no children there . But the doors were always open to all the kids .

It was a great time. Nothing to worry about other than the game rules and latest movies!

Give me some sunshine …
Give me some rain …..
Give me another chance .. .
I wana grow up once again …

Ente maavum pookkum..

For a few weeks I have been hugging and stroking and talking to my mango trees with a prayer that this year they will give sweet mangoes instead of the sour ones they usually have .

Not much later I saw small small flower sprouts on it . Ah ! This year it is going to be great.

I have  kept a cool recipe from my mom -in- law to make tasty tender mangoes in brine. I even made a  list of friends to whom I should give the extra mangoes . I could see how kids will enjoy the ripe mangoes . It is one of Siva’s favourite sport to pluck them all along with his father.

All the  mango trees in the neighborhood are heaving with flowers. And what did my sprouts turn out to be ?

New leaves ! Yes, a whole round of new leaves when every where else there are flowers.

And I get……..

Heaps and heaps of fallen leaves to rake !

One day standing under the canopy I announced it . ” I am going to cut this tree. ” That is the best thing to do. At least the front yard could be kept clean.

And what did I see the next day ?

Flowers . I am overwhelmed !

I have heard that plants can hear . I remember the speech given by much admired Dr.Gopalakrishnan Sir(  Senior scientist working in CSIR, Trivandrum and Honorary Director for Indian Institute of Scientific Heritage) on how somebody has developed a rose with no thorns in it just by asking the Rose plant to do so every day !

The Invisible Thread of Karma

I don’t believe in the bonds and relations framed by humans.

  Many people have told me how naturally my brother , sister and I  relate to each other  . When I think about it deeper it is not  just that ‘Blood is thicker than water’  . There is more to it . It is knowing  and accepting each other for what we are . It is being there for each other !

In my life there have been…

People  who came from nowhere to help me when I was in distress..

Friends  who gave me company when I was alone , showed me how wonderful this world really is,  made me smile and laugh ,

People who caused irreversible pain and in some way helped me ,  changed my life forever.

Mentors who enlightened me , made me think,  helped me move on ,

Strangers who inspired me far more than anybody who knows me .

Some times switching their roles and most of the time with out them ever knowing  what their deeds really meant to me .

There have been people who by their deeds have acted  as my father , mother , sister, brother , friend, mentor and more……. 

Yes, I believe in the invisible thread of karma that bind humans  together and make us  do what we are destined to , no matter we know it or not , no matter how far or near .

And once they  finish their Mission they simply vanish into the thin air or  change their roles and it becomes impossible to trace them back  !

MY GREATEST RESOLUTIONS ! YES !!!

Half of my time I spend organising every thing so that it would be easy for me to keep on track. And the remaining half I keep on re – organising them so that no body notices my absent mindedness.

I had enrolled Swetha for some talent day programs. But now that I have to prepare her I don’t remember which were the programs . I am planning to write a letter to her teacher to let me know from the list ! hahaha !

I keep on and keep on and keep on……… making newer and tougher resolutions to fight against my absent minded nature. But in vain. So I thought why don’t I write them down.

I am not making a resolution ‘ To Remember’  . Well, that would almost be impossible. ‘ I will not forget ‘ sounds to be more easy.

I will not forget

1. the day and date every day / any day.

2.  about the next day’s breakfast………..  to cook . ( not cooking ! just to cook every day’s food.).

3.  to pay the bills on time ( This itself will take care of almost 75% of  my problems. )………. to charge my mobile on time.

4. to put the laundry on time…………to  put the washing powder…………to switch on the machine …………… to connect and switch on the pipe.. to press the buttons…………… to check if it has started working……. ( After all these steps it is a real wonder I some times get it all done . )

5.  to fold the clothes and sort it out and keep it in exact places . Aaarg h!!!!!!!! ! To keep the waste…………to buy the milk and groceries on time……. I will not forget to boil enough drinking water. ( we don’t rely on filters ) ………….and to switch off the burner on time. ……..to do the dishes ………… to sweep and mop and dust.

6 .  to eat food and drink water on time .

7.  to set hubby dear’s take away bag / mobile / comb/bath towel/ clothes / key ???? …. never ending.

8.  the assignments given by hubby, the Boss.

9. to book tickets……….to light the prayer lamp every day…………..to do the bed…………….to water my plants.

10.  to  check my check list .

I will not forget my resolutions and want to start all over again.

Oh! Life is really tough . How do every body else manage to live with all these done ? ( My biggest question about life )

But in my case there is nothing any body can do.  First my mother and then my hubby dear have done every thing humanly possible to make a woman out of me 😮 ,  and have hopelessly given up ! 😀

But the most amazing thing is some times I manage to pull along with out catching any body’s eyes ! 😀

Daily Resolutions !

Walking with my son.

The very first glance of him changed my world.

When he was a baby I used to wonder how it would feel to see him walking and waited impatiently to see those small feet set its first steps. Even when I saw other kids running I would say to myself ” just a few more months ” and he will also be out there running!

Now he is in third standard and I wonder where all those years have gone.

As a baby he was smart , friendly and intelligent. But somehow he was different from others even though we couldn’t tell what was it.

He is very intelligent but he is not like other kids. That was what always confused us. He would struggle with the most simplest things. His memory is , well, I don’t know what to say. I just rely on him without any doubt. He will align anything simply looking at the pictures in the manual . How he could see it fully in his mind I always wonder.

He always found it difficult to strike a friendship especially with kids of his age. But I have found him immensely enjoying with kids smaller than him.

He became very moody once he started to go to school.The problems seemed to increase when we would scold him for that. Teachers always complained about him for being very sensitive.

The real problem started when the spelling lessons began.  He  wrote every thing upside down in mirror writing.   jumbled the spellings. And would not read anything if he could help it . Lost umpteen number of pencils, and rubbers, scales and umbrellas . Never completed his notes. Would never remember his home works or assignments.

And I always thought it was his laziness. I will never be able to forgive myself for those times.

I recognized that he is a child with learning differences only after seeing the  movie ” Tare zameen par”. Thanks to Ameer and his crew for the effort they have taken. ( I was a hard core Ameer fan even from my school days, but never thought that he would give a message that will change my child’s life.)

I identified this on the verge of losing him.  We had almost forgot how he laughed and he had become very stubborn . For the first time we realized, it was his helplessness that we thought as stubbornness.


It was the most shocking experience that happened in my life. After that I made a promise to myself that I will help him get through and will always be there for him .
Thanks to all the guidance on net.

At first he would not speak of his class or school or anything personal. The mental pain I had inflicted trying to make him perfect was more than I could imagine.

But I wouldn’t give up.  I kept on asking him about  every silly thing I had always taken for granted.  I Hugged him , kissed him . Every day I would tell him, ” We love You!”

We started to work on his strengths. Elocution, drawing, building blocks, puzzles , computer , school projects and so on…

Slowly, very slowly he began to respond. He began to respond to our love, care , support and patience.

The Evening sky

When he lost his things I said to myself that  my son is more precious to me than all those silly things. Instead I gave him a check list and a smiley to make him remember that we love him for what he is , and nothing , absolutely nothing would ever change it.

And believe me, slowly the child who used to lose all his things , who could never complete his class works and could only be found crying,  slid into the back of our memory and a  sweet boy who is very understanding , most lovable and confident of his strengths evolved . It took more than a year.

Rocket race

Now we learn every thing in our own way. I don’t have to teach him the portions taught at school as he knows them better than me. But I teach him how to write them  correctly for exams.

For maths I send him to Abacus classes and now he has improved a lot . When I think of the 1st and 2nd std boy who was so much teased for his slow writing he has gained so much .

My special thanks to his Abacus Trainer Ms.  Priya. . She  gave him confidence, support and company. Even then, I don’t know what will happen in the next term as it covers multiplication and division and he hasn’t reached that level for Abacus.

Sunset fishing

Thanks to his 2nd standard English teacher Ms Anitha who somehow did the magic and made him read books. He has become a voracious reader. Reads anything he could lay his hands on. Reads beautiful bed time stories  to his little sister.

( One thing about Dyslexia is it cannot be handled by a single individual . It needs the support of the family and society or anybody who comes in contact with the child. As these children are very observant they can sense even the slightest change in your facial expression . So you have to be alert almost always.)

Now he is  the captain of his team . I help him with every work he has to do even if it is some what out of the way. He has his own ideas of doing his projects. And believe me, the results are amazing.

One day we were making a chart on Delhi  and casually my son told me ” Mother, Now I have so many friends . I don’t know why.” It was his way of saying that he was very happy with it . It took some time for the words to sink in.

It were the most beautiful words he has ever told me. Just like some body had said, it may be a  small step for his friends but  a great leap for my son who had spent most of his time in school alone. Now, he goes to school with his cricket bat and ball and sometimes with his precious red football his Uncle had presented him.

I am happy that our  love and care has brought back smile on his face.

Even now sometimes he drive me out of my limits. Has difficulty in  making and writing sentences. Now also  he lose his things once in a while , gets bullied by his  class mates or van mates now and then, may not complete his work or may became frustrated when things doesn’t go his way.

But after a while he realizes that he can get through . And we know the hard work he puts to adjust with his exceptions and that makes all the difference.

Today when I walk with him holding his hands there is hope ! Hope of a future not so far away when those small hands will be big and strong enough to hold me !

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Note :  I write this for all those parents out there who don’t realize the turmoil their child is going through . To those who don’t realize the effort your child puts to keep up with your standards.  All they want  You is to accept them.

Realize it !

Set down your standards a little bit. Let your child smile, laugh and play! Let them do what they love to and let them not be afraid to wake up in the morning worrying what awaits them today at school and at home!

Make this world a better place for him/her to live.And it is never too late!