Being Myself

 I was afraid I may never stop if I started to cry .

It would have been easy to give in .

The tears would have smoothly taken away

The grief and the loss , I hope.

Instead I chose to laugh .

And borrowed a gaiety mask.

Now I wander aimlessly in the jungle of life .

And wonder if I would ever find me and rest .

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Musical Monday -2

I know it’s cliched . I know it is every body’s favourite . But today I could not think about any other song . This is one of my favourite songs .

I don’t really know what the movie “Titanic” means to me . But I have quoted the dialogues from the movie more times than I can remember .  My favorite scene from the Movie is Jack Dawson waiting at the Grand father clock . Enjoy !

Vacation is here .

Warning : This is an update post . A long post ahead :p It has been a while since I posted any thing based entirely on kids. The month of March was really hectic and I didn’t really have time to sit back and reflect .

Now when I look back I find Facebook statuses snatched away most of my would-have-been posts . So I thought I will try a sum-up of my face book statuses to see how I fared .Here it goes .

March 1– Do self-help books really help you all ? I usually discard them in mid way 😦 I feel so bored and restless reading them . I really want to try some meditation . But somebody will have to tie me on a chair first :0

( I was really really upset and thought only self help books could save me . But couldn’t find the real one for me . )

March 3 – Thumbs up to Tiffani Sant Bearup for her 11 days ‘silent retreat’ ! And silently joining her from India !!

( When I decided to join Tiffany silently from India . Even though I could not hold on to silence I learned to process my thoughts before blurting them out . )

March 4 – Dear friends, let your child crawl around . It helps in development of proper neural pathways .

(I was frantically searching google for some exercises that would help out -of -the- box – thinkers. I stumbled upon a thread some where which discussed on the benefits of concentrating on normal human development and how it helps in neural pathways and all . )

March 21-After two days into exams ‘Exhausted ‘ is the only word I can think of ! I think this is the ideal time for me to try my luck in ‘Paanchvi paas ‘. I will be the winner for sure !!!

( Exams really caught us this time . But I figured out Ruby is finally growing up. And that I can relax. This year I had loosened my ties with studies a bit and he was left to himself with only guidance given when needed . Maths was very   tough . We had to learn it together . Hubby would explain it to both of us . Then I would help Ruby if he has any more doubts . We stuck to our time table and was terribly exhausted by the end of every day . Hubby took us for small drives in the night and  treated us with ice-creams . This helped Ruby a lot to unwind . Daddy-cool knows the Obsessive -insane -moma could really be dangerous when exams are around. )

March 23 – Dear friends , I am sharing this post with tears welling up in my eyes and voice choked . Because this is something every mother with a dyslexic child faces . Over the years you learn to figure out your own ways to face these commentators . Some think you are a nut and some think you are a super great Mom . But in truth you are only trying to make yourself and your child learn to accept and respect the differences.

2e Tuesday::How To Handle The Critics. | freeplaylife.com

March 25 ( INd v/s Aus) – Didn’t watch the match yesterday 😦 was not ready to see another depressing match 😦 what a loss 😦

March 27 –  It’s Pearl’s KG convocation function tomorrow. It seems only yesterday she started going to school !! This year also she was selected as the Best -All -Rounder ! Four years before at Ruby’s convocation Function she was very excited to visit the school she would be joining , the place she would go together with her brother and wanted to stand on the stage along with him 🙂

March 28 – Pearl wants me to crawl under her umbrella house 😀 Ruby is making a sub land/marine which can carry army and Navy forces at the same time 😀 And we are eating ice creams almost every day, which is my most favourite part 😉 Vacation is here at my door steps, friends !! Two more days to go ! Yayyy!!!

March 30 – Kick starting one of the biggest purging process I have ever done ! Let there be more space ; both in mind and around . Let the sunshine seep through the windows and brighten even the most darkest corners . Let happiness and joy follow sunshine to fill all the spaces !

March 30 – ( India v/s Pak ) Missing you both Sis and Bro !!! Miss the shouts , the flags and the beats and every thing ! Ruby and Pearl are looking at me like strangers . They haven’t seen their Mom as a cricket maniac until today !!!

March 30-What a match yaar !! Kids beg me to let them watch ‘back yard science’ now that cricket is finally over :)))))

April 2 – On the D – day ie. World cup Final I went along with Hubby to visit my sister and was in transit . Kids had gone earlier . Anyway I opt long drives, music and good company to any cricket match . Enjoyed the last few overs with family . It is a joy to travel around Kerala with all the Konna flowers in bloom .

Vacation is here 🙂 😀 The time of the year I await with enthusiasm. I am knee deep in some serious purging . Gave away almost half of the toys and all . Discarded every other paper I came across. And kept aside the out grown clothes for orphanages. ( My informal rule is to give away some some of old clothes to needy when we buy a new set )

Today I completed sorting out the toys and arranging them for the vacation . My babies are finally growing up . They have out grown the acrobats and the wooden blocks 🙂 😦 . And all those kinder blocks , wooden puzzles , rhymes , alphabets , shapes . When I see them stacked aside , ready to be given away I see the twinkling eyes of my kids . How they would look up from behind those toys to see why Mom is disturbing us. That beautiful time when a hug or a kiss and a cup of milk would solve every thing has passed by .

CSA Awareness : My two cents .

I have been reading the posts on CSA awareness month . Almost all of them have the same voice . The parents were either ignorant or they didn’t think it is important to talk to the child or confront the culprit.

I wonder what makes parents react in that way .

Is it the guilty feeling to accept that something bad has happened to their child due to their ignorance .

Or is it shame .

Or do they believe the child should look after himself /herself and is responsible for what happened .

Or is it the reluctance to acknowledge that their loved ones can have another face .

Or is it the inability to accept that there could be dangers they are unaware of.

I think it is a mixture of every thing . And I feel strangely ashamed .

It would be a lie if I say I haven’t come across any molesters . It is impossible to grow up in this world with out confronting any . It is flooded with them and you cannot eradicate it . Not in the near future . It is all about bringing up kids with the courage to stand up to it .

My Grand mother was a real smart lady who knew how to train young girls with out making a fuss about it . She taught us to be wary of Uncles who may jump at the chance to put us on their laps , or who may hug and pinch us to show their love . She taught us to stay away from them  . And to cry loudly if some thing is not right . She talked about sleazy shop keepers eager to push bangles into our hands . Through her jokes and talks she taught us in spite of being wonderful this world is not a safe place . And the simple truth that you have to learn to take care of yourself.

And I believe sexual innocence is not some thing good to brag about or a solid excuse to make when it comes to molesting and groping . Neither for parents or young girls. Awareness is awareness even when we cannot stop some thing from happening .

But with real young kids , parents/ guardians/care takers are the only ones who can take care of them. Let us Accept the responsibility . Let us not run away from it . Let us do our part and let our kids flourish in a safe environment.

I also want to bring forth the fact that it is not only the men , but women could also be child molesters . And boys and girls , both can be victims.

If not anything teach your child to use the most powerful and useful word . Teach them to say a loud ” NO” when they mean it and teach them to use it fearlessly .

I dream of a day when there would be no victims to write about their horrible experiences . A day when no child’s feelings will be left unattended by his/her parent.

This month has been selected as the ” Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month ” . Don’t be ostriches, please !