The eyes of a mother


I was reading Swaram’s post and thought of sharing this . At Pearl’s dance class there is a mother who brings her child for the dance . Her eyes are so spiritless and sorrowful you would think it is a photostat of her real self.

picture coutesy - google search

Then I learned she was divorced recently by her husband on his mother’s advice as  she had a girl child . This is not common in here actually .

She has been haunting me in my thoughts . Cannot think how she is finding the courage to move on with life . And they say the husband actually likes her but is not ready to go against the words of his mother .

Now she goes for a job and lives in a flat .

The little girl is a sweet heart but very calm and quiet . And they cling to each other for their life . While we mothers  yell to our kids to bring them on line they communicate with silent gazes and nods and whispers .

I shudder thinking what all she would have gone through that it took all the life from her eyes . And I wish a strong gush of wind comes to put it all back in her and give her a life to look forward to .

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20 responses to “The eyes of a mother

  1. What a horrible coward man he should be 😦
    God grant such souls some good-will!

  2. “This is not common in here actually ”
    Yes, it wasn’t. I am hating this change for the worse that is that is coming over the Keralites.
    1. How can a woman do this to another?? Perhaps she feels she is somehow special and superior to her Daughter in law because she gave birth to a son?? Or perhaps she believes wrongly, that she is somehow responsible for her own child being a male and the DiL is at fault for having a girl child?? This is where I feel we should popularize from whom comes the Y chromosome that decided the sex of the child.
    2. What sort of adult human being is the husband who loves his wife but bows to his mother’s will and divorces her??! Truly speaking she is well off without such a spineless man as her husband. It will be difficult for her to accept that now. But she will eventually.

    • Shail , these are the exact two points I too reflected then . That girl doesn’t talk more than a few words in a stretch . And that too in a meek way . I think she has yet to get over with it .
      I too asked who would want to live with such a man . But I think it is the loss of hope and love that reflects in her eyes. Not every one is easy with the thoughts of a second marriage . I really pray to God she finds somebody who loves her for who she is and the daughter .

      And I tried to explain the women there about the genetic make up and I was dumbstruck to know most of them doesn’t know Y chromosome has to come from male and females only have the X chromosome . They don’t even realise there is science behind the sex of a child . They are all saying the old bland version ‘ we should accept what God gives us whether boy or girl ‘ . I wanted to shout “JAAGO BEHANO !!! ”

      May be she is well off without him . Anyway I would love to see her and daughter all smiling and bubbly.

  3. That is so disgusting. The man does not deserve to have a wife at all. Such a bl**dy coward. I don’t blame his mother. She is just being a bit*hy MIL, and all MILS (atleast most of the ones I know) are bl**dy bit*hy. How can he leave his wife??! He should have left his mother instead, because she has such base thoughts!!

    • You are so right Pal, I wonder how MILs come up with such crooked ideas . ANd how their sons blindly accept it .
      You should see that girl Pal. I feel like going and shaking her into a good laugh . She just sits blank when all of us gossip and talk about family and every thing or any thing .
      I wish her husband realise the treasure he is losing and go for his wife and daughter . And may she have the patience and strength to accept him back .
      I say this only because,
      ‘is there any body in this world who can replace a father or a mother or the beautiful feeling of parenthood when they stand together ?’
      ( This is not a statement . Just a qn into the open world .
      To the parents , who stay apart and the MILs and SILs and FILs and all those relations and friends who think they are more important than the spouse and know what is better for others ,
      or simply can’t bring down their ego,instead decide for themselves to leave this one and get another.)

    • U know Ash, I wish she would NOT take him back, but then thinking of the child, and our still very orthodox Indian society, I do hope they get back some day soon. Poor girl. God bless her.

  4. well sorry but the guy is not worth being called her husband she shud actually disown him.. I cant understand this with Women they are themselves WOMEN and yet when a girl child is born they make all this FUSs what type of MIL is she .. is she a WOMAN herself did she forget she too was a GIRL child .. STUPID WOMAN…

    I remember writing a comment that a WOMAN is a WOMANS worst nightmare and I got told off saying why .. HERE IS a example am i wrong ..
    and then the MR HUSBAND when he was making the child did he ask his mother then idiot .. if there are no girls then who will the MIL marry her son to ..

    GOD BLESS the lady and the little girl… sad sad situation

    • Anybody would say she is better off without him . May be in her mind , some where , she also thinks the same . But it really gnaws you when you think ‘ why ‘ and you cant find an answer. It is really sad to see what all this nonsense has done to a mother and an innocent child.

      No MIL thinks that way Bikram . No one .

      May God bless them and bring them some happiness .

  5. Seriously, I don’t understand this group of bit*hes called MILs. What is wrong with them? They were DILs once upon a time too, weren’t they? And will they behave the same way had it been their DAUGHTER in the place of DIL?!!! Mad women, somebody please shoot them all. And the boys who listen to such stupid parents, they should first be castrated , and then shot.

    • I am thinking on the same lines Pal .
      How can they think the daughter -in -laws are some out castes brought up only to be DILs and how can they forget that until the day of marriage these DILs were the much pampered daughters of some house just like their daughters.
      I always wonder .

  6. I don’t understand why the matter of the X and Y chromosome is not being publicized enough in our country (the government should do it too) because the public has a very wrong impression and women are suffering because of it.
    Also there is another thing that has to be publicised. That it is the sexual jealousy of the woman (MIL) that makes her act this way with her son’s wife. I read that somewhere. If this matter is given enough publicity, I feel, the MILs will be shamed into not reacting too much. They might even pause to think, what will others think of me??
    I hate the way elders are given an unshakable pedestal to stand on WHATEVER wrong they do. No one really condemns a MIL in society, only asks the DIL to accept.
    Truly, that girl is better off without him. Even the little one. A man who will let his daughter go does not deserve her.

  7. Hi, Yet another single mother who is divorced recently at the age of 26, I have a son and the divorce was due to my ex-husbands illicit affair which he claimed to say true love he missed due to pressure from his father to get a arranged marriage and he had to tie a knot and bear a kid too. Now, that his father is resting in peace in his grave. The now MAN of the family gets the right to discard the compelled marriage and get back to his love. Well, I am here to say how hard life becomes after divorce . We can some how pull ourselves with work at home and out to survive, what kills us is the fact the other feminine gender who blames us for what happened. They simply say her husband left her!!! and it doesn’t simply hurt it pricks you hard not once all through your life we got to face this where the other gender the male try to be sweet to you some really show empathy and some trying to take advantage. Hope things change soon… This blog of your triggered many feelings in me.

  8. Dear Mystry wand , Sorry , I did not mean to unsettle you in any way .
    Your comment throws light on what all those women out there are facing . And the turmoil you are going through . HUGS <>>

    There is a friend of mine who has a daughter and had to get a divorce . No body can blame her for that though . Once , while we were passing by we met her on the road and by action I asked her how she is doing . Then hubby said I should not signal ‘how’ , I should give a ‘thumbs up’ instead for her braveness !

    So , Thumbs up my friend ! Don’t give up . Things will change . Every cloud has a silver lining !!

  9. I hope this mother finds the strength to live a happy life. I hope she has financial security and support from family and friends. Being divorced and a single mother need not be worse than being unhappily married to an irresponsible, weak and indifferent man.

    I have two single friends who are happy and confident. They say, in the end it is better not worse, they have no in-law hassles, they have their children with them, and one of them started attending dance classes her in laws never ‘allowed’, she also cut her hair and started wearing the kind of clothes she used to wear just a few years ago. She also spends a lot more time with her child.

    I saw her old married photographs and she looks more alive and younger now, after having lived alone for a while. But it did take time, in the beginning it was very difficult for her but she had her widowed mother’s and her close friends’ support. I hope this mother finds similar support and strength, my best wishes to her.

  10. Hi Krishna Leela, while I agree that MILs can be quite a royal pain,based on the current discussion as well as convos with friends, I’ve experienced quite the opposite. So, maybe there are MILs who are compassionate, understanding and loving. Let’s not generalize.
    As for a man who would not stand up to his mother or anyone else for his wife and daughter, well the less said about him the better.

  11. Hi Prerna , Welcome to my blog . I ve been following your organising tips meticulously 😀
    I too heard of one the other day . But I would say there is no question of being accepted as a daughter . Or may be there are MILs like that too . Then most often there is some other underlying problem . That she knows the tough time her DIL is having with her son or like that 😀 just joking !!
    Whatever it is Prerna , I wish Mother in laws have the heart to accept the incoming girls as their own daughters and vice versa. Will they lose any thing appreciating each other ? I cannot help wondering !!

  12. Goodness! How can people think like this in today’s time and age.. Sadly even education does nothing in front of blind belief.

    And I do think that the girl and her mother might be much better off by themselves. Clearly the MIL and the husband are not worth the trouble. I jsut hope that they get enough support and conviction to lead a life ( a happy life) away from people like this!

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