Monthly Archives: August 2010

Saying good bye to my Granma..

I was too tired to fight with Amma when she invited me to visit her house . It was easier to give in.

It has been over 9 years . I was in the third term of my pregnancy when my Granma passed away . If I wanted , I could have gone then to see her for the last time . But I didn’t. More than the complications that may arise I wasn’t ready to accept the loss. I thought she will live forever in my mind if I didn’t see her lifeless face . I didn’t do any rituals for the fear of losing her .

More than just the first grand daughter, I was born as a relief to her untimely widowhood. I have heard my Aunts saying that she started to laugh again  only after my birth . She was so close to three of us ( my brother and sister ) .

Even after she left us I didn’t want to lose her love . So I made an imaginary box and kept her safe in my mind . Never said Good bye . I saw her in my dreams . Very much alive. Only that her hands were ice cold to touch .

They were not nightmares. A grand mother talking to her grand daughter . But seeing dead people in dreams is considered ominous .

I asked Amma about the rituals that has to be done even though I could not quiet understand how people will be relieved from bondage just by chanting Mantras . There should be more to it.

So Yesterday when she asked me to go with her I braced up. May be because of the tiredness that follows three- four days of continuous journey I was in a susceptible mood. Shallow and bare .

In the house the old rooms had been altered .  But I could see through it just as in olden days. I sat on my Granma’s bed where three of us had cuddled together as kids listening to her stories and the lightening and thunder . I could feel her beside me . I sat on the parapet where she has mouth fed us umpteen times in the evenings while we played .

And I broke down . I cried for her. Something I didn’t dare to do before . I realised that the lovely woman who had been there would never come back . She would never again answer our calls. She would never come hurrying to welcome us . There wouldn’t be any bear hugs and farewell kisses . She has disappeared . Just like that .

The hot tears that streamed down my cheeks cooled my heart . It was easy to hide them in the darkness .

On our way back home I could feel the calmness in my heart .  It dawned on me that eventually I have bid good bye to her in my own way. And in some way to the young girl who had spend her holidays there . I realised the rituals are not for the ones who have left . They are very much for the ones left behind. To say goodbye to the dear ones who have gone , to accept and acknowledge the loss and to move on with life .

My childhood and teens have passed away and they have made me what I am now. I can’t preserve them forever .  I can’t carry them any more. After years of effort I have relented and let them pass through me . And I feel light as a feather . Ready to take in the world .

Spelling and schooling woes

Lately I have not been posting a lot on learning. Basically , we were sizing up the standards for the fourth grade and UKG.

This year their curriculum has changed and they would be having only two term exams . But that means they have assessment tests almost every other day . And lots and lots of projects to do at home and at school.

In his hurry to finish the assignments which he is doing well , Siva cannot put much time on his spelling lessons . And every time I see his book I start worrying . I never miss any chance to speak to any well informed person I come across .

A few weeks before I met an English teacher who is now taking classes for tenth standard . She assured me it will take some more time for some students . We have to give the correct support and guidance . That is all . And give them time . Some students are able to overcome it by 5th or 6th grade while for some students it will take two or three years more say, 8th grade .  I think Siva falls in the latter category . Talking to the teacher gave me the confidence to believe in him . He will come through it . I am sure .

Now we are almost back on track with our spelling lessons and other activities .I am ready to progress to some paragraph writing .I got some inspiring pieces from my friend Priya, A Home schooling Mom .Here is it :


i am just talking about very basic stuff. last year i started paragraph for ds, god it was too hard for him.

so i went through most requirements and books and came up with my own plan.

I went to preschool level and concentrated on drawing with lots of details in them.
it was not hard.

Prek stuff
then i would ask him to write a couple of sentence about his drawing. simple sentence nothing fancy

for example

The bear sat and ate his honey

then i taught him grammar, and to separate his sentence into words.

for example bear is a noun now add a adjective like big, brown, happy, hungry
then sat…where add a noun like under a tree, behind a rock, up the hill, inside his cave
then add when word like early in the morning, on a hot sunny day
then ate is a verb add a adverb like quickly, happily, greedy
honey is a noun add adjective like golden, yummy

so now the sentence will look something is this

one hot sunny day the big brown bear, sat under the tree and quickly ate his golden honey from his pot.

now the final sentence paints a picture in the readers mind.

I think I can start from this level for both Siva and Swetha .

This year Siva has shown tremendous changes in his social developing skills even though at first he was a bit worried about the shuffling . Now I can see him bubbling when he tells about his class and activities . He has been the class  leader for last month , leader for some other groups and the class librarian  . I think the Leo is eventually coming to the front .